Dating

Dating is a very simple concept that our society has made into something complicated. Dating can be broken up into 4 levels: dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. Now a days, people look to an “easier” form of dating called “hang outs”. These are actually very ineffective in a lot of cases. This is not saying that hanging out with people cannot result in a strong healthy relationship but I am saying that going about dating in a hangout attitude does not result in the best relationships. Of course you can still hang out with the person but there is a strong importance of dating. Before getting to dating, a person have to look at the people in front of them and look for several different things like attractive, commonalities, creativity and fun. Girls also look to see if a guy is going to be able to provide, preside, and protect. There is actually a criteria of dating. First, there is paid for. This means that the guy pays for the date. Yes this seems very old fashioned but it actually says a tremendous amount about the man he will become. If the guy does not pay for the girl then there can be a question of how well he will take care of her and that he will be able to provide for their future. Next, there is planned. This is another important factor as well because it shows the amount of thought that the guy is willing to put into the relationship and if he will continue to peruse and court her throughout the relationship. The last criteria of dating is paired off. This is extremely important to the process. Can the couple be paired off together and just be the two of them without being awkward? Can they have a conversation that is productive and get on a deep level? Like I mentioned before, trends are not helping this at all. People are afraid to lead someone on or have the pressure of a date. They prefer the less formal way of getting to know someone so they can be “more themselves” or they don’t freeze up as well as having the opportunity to leave when they want because there is no commitment. Some guys are just plain afraid of the rejection. There are so many benefits to going on dates such as the chance to do shared activities. The positives to this is then you can see what the other person likes and make sure they like the same things and that you can have fun together. It is never fun to be on a date with someone that hates an activity that you just love. That isn’t a relationship that you will be able to thrive in when neither of you like the same activities.  It also is the worst to be on a date or even just be around someone that you just cannot talk to. No matter how hard you try, the conversation never picks up. So why would you want to spend time with someone that you can do fun things or talk to? Beats me! Now some of you are probably asking is you should even date if you aren’t looking to be in a serious relationship. The answer is yes!! A serious relationship is not the only reason for dating. You can be dating to find what you like and don’t like. You could think you don’t have anything specific you are looking for and then go on a date with a guy that brings you flowers before the date and you realize that you actually prefer the flowers before and it gives a nice touch that you didn’t expect to enjoy. On the flip side, you are picked up for a date and the guy doesn’t open the car door or building doors for you. Before you didn’t notice this as a thing on your list but now you are completely turned off but this lackadaisical act. What if a girl burps on the date? Are you totally disgusted or it doesn’t bother you at all? You would have no idea about these different factors if you didn’t go on many different dates. You should treat dates to have fun. Although there are people that can only date a few people and find the one, your search can be long and require much thought and investigating. You may need to date 100 girls before the one. Don’t get down on yourself, just have fun!

The Proclamation and how it relates

 “ALL HUMAN BEINGS- male and female- are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny” This is just a small part of The Family A Proclamation to the World by The First Presidency and the Council of The Twelve Apostles. I love many parts of the proclamation but as I looked through, this part especially stuck out. It is an incredible message that these ordained men are trying to put out. Saying that everyone, no matter if they are male or female or whatever color, race, or eye color we are all spirit sons and daughters of God. That message is incredibly essential to our world. People need to know their divine identity. When I was told this vital piece of who I was, I found so much more purpose and importance to the world.  I felt that I mattered. Not only that, but I now had a HEAVENLY FATHER that loved and cared about me. A father that watched over me and guided me when I needed it. A father I could talk to when I needed someone to talk to. This was also an eye-opener to the fact that EVERYONE around me was a son or daughter of God as well, which means that they have divine potential as well. This made me see the people around me in such a new way. It is so critical for us to know our divine nature and destiny so we can reach our potential.

Also stated in The Proclamation to the World “…God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and women, lawfully wedded as husband and wife”. This is such a key point to emphasize in our world today. Although I do agree that people deserve to be happy and love whomever they want, marriage really should be between a man and a woman. There are several topics that I would like to touch on regarding this topic. First, there is an idea out in the world today that people should be able to marry and be with anyone they want. They are allowed to have kids and live however they want. No one should judge them or ridicule them. I do agree that there should be no judgment and criticism towards these people but loving council and teachings are encouraged. The fault with this thinking is that this is not the way that is ordained of God himself Heavenly father sent a man and women to populate and replenish the Earth. He wouldn’t send 1 man and 1 woman and make it only possible to have children with 1 man and 1 woman if it wasn’t the correct way to marry. “ The Family is ordained of God. Marriage between a man and women is essential to His eternal plan” This is the beginning statement of the 7^thparagraph within the proclamation and is the beginning of the longest paragraph. The next idea I want to make a point on is “man and women, lawfully wedded as husband and wife” This is such a bold and neglected statement in our society. People would rather cohabitate or sleep around than to commit to someone. In many studies, it has been seen that couples that cohabitate before marriage are far more likely to divorce than couples that do not. This is such an intriguing result. Aren’t we told that you get to have a “test run” so you can “try it before you buy it”? Isn’t living together before you are married supposed to let you see if you can do it. Doesn’t it let us get used to each other before we decide if we could be together the rest of our lives? NO!! Ok, so yes there are couples that stay together with their entire lives and they lived together before their marriages, but we are seeing that when people save sacred things like sex, sleeping together at night, and living together until after they are married, they have happier healthier marriages. 

This is all not to say that everyone who has done these things is damned to hell or is going to suffer. I truly believe that the only way to TRUE and ETERNAL happiness is to follow the commandments of our LOVING Heavenly Father and the teachings of Jesus Christ and his apostles. As we follow him, we are guided through life and blessed by Him! 

Cultures helping or hindering

Families have a culture within their background, ethnicity, or The family is the prime way culture can continue or fall flat. The United States is the prime example of a place that a family can either carry on their traditions or allow them to become things of the past. Families can perpetuate culture is to continue to do different traditions and use language that has been used for generations. I think also a way to keep tradition is to not move. Staying in one place/ in the same country keeps the same kind of family atmosphere. There are many families that lose so much of their culture by moving to a new place. I think that a big reason for this is a disconnect between parents and children. Without that connection, the children lose the want to be like their parents and they can completely ignore traditions, values, and family relationships. Studies show that close relationships in a family result in healthier children mentally and socially. I will use myself as an example and then compare it to my boyfriend’s family. I grew up in a home that my parents fought all the time and were constantly in trouble for things that did not seem to be as serious. I was also told all the negative things that I did in sports or school instead of being told good job or praised. This affected me in TREMENDOUS ways. I now have major depression and anxiety with Borderline Personality Disorder. I know that some of my symptoms are directly related to the relationships, contention, and un-approval that I experienced in my home. My boyfriend, on the other hand, grew up in a home that was very nice, communicative, and loving home. He has turned out a very respectful, healthy, and spiritual man that holds his values high and is very understanding, patient, and loving. He is able to talk through problems instead of yell about them and he can calm most situations down. Just with these two examples, we are able to see that the environment/ culture that a child is around can affect them greatly. There is another example that I would like to explain here. A young man, named Jonny, grows up in downtown Oakland, CA. His older brother is part of a gang and his mom is always either at work or passed out drunk. His dad was killed in a gang shooting when Jonny was 5 but he was never around to give him guidance anyways. Jonny has no other example other than his brother and the gang members that come around. Jonny ends up dropping out of high school and becoming a drug runner. He only knows this lifestyle. Jonny is a very intelligent boy that could have great potential. In another environment where the culture was different, Jonny would thrive in academics, sports, and socially. Jonny could have received a full ride to any college in the country for his athletics and had a great GPA through his career.  This is a fake person in a fake scenario but this is a real problem. The culture that children grow up in is very important and is a large determining factor of how they will function, act, and think when they are older. The environment they grow up in can either function as a roadblock/ deterrence, or an accelerator. My childhood and environment created life hindering mental health problems that I am now battling in my adult life. This causes me to have to deal with extra things that others don’t have to. I have to put time, energy, and mental capacity into controlling my emotions, stress, and anxieties that other people do naturally. I know that there are infinite numbers of cultures in our world. I do not know what culture is best if there even is one, but I know that there are different aspects of cultures that are detrimental to children and their development.

Family dynamics

There are so many different family styles and dynamics. Within one family there can be many different dynamics with different members of the family in or out. This is such an interesting topic that can get very complex and confusing. Individuals bond in different ways with others and this is no exception within a family. There can be an infinite amount of bond types that people can make with another human being. 

The bonds we make with our immediate family/ in the home are crucial for our development. If there is a negative bond between father and mother and they are fighting constantly and loudly, this will not only effect their relationship negatively but also the relationship the children have with each parent. This could bring some members closer, using each other for support, while it pushes others away from them. There is also a scenario where bond of siblings of parents or even parent to child that can push others out of the “circle” and cause them to be left out. As we can see in the relationships around us, there are so many different bond types but there is one thing that I see that is universal. A home with a father and a mother who are married and love each other, create the most loving home that is successful for a child growing up. There is also another matter that comes up when talking about families and that is gender/ gender roles. It is an essential part of a healthy, happy life to now gender as male and female. This limits confusion, controversy and added stress that growing children do not need. Their lives are already a big jumble of finding themselves, finding friends, finding hobbies, fighting negativity, fighting impurities, and the horrid puberty stage. Children now-a-days are attacked left and right with bullying, unsafe neighborhoods, and unsupportive homes. The last thing they need is to have to decipher what gender they are.  Gender roles come as quite an instinct given by our Father in Heaven and we fulfill them so well as we go throughout our lives, but Satan has attacked this idea and created chaos in the world and hurting so many people as he leads them farther and farther from the iron rod, without them knowing.  I believe that a home with father and mother that love each other is a very important factor in a child’s life. 

Another thing that can positively influence a child’s life is a balanced level of respect and trust in both the child from the parents and the parents from the child. This is such an important aspect in a child-parent bond. When a parent trusts their child, they are more apt to not break the rules because there is more to lose than when its more based punishment. I have seen in my own life this exact principle in place. My dad used punishment and anger to enforce the rules. This led me to not learn as much as I could have and also breaking morals when I got out of the house. The mode of rule enforcement and outbreak caused problems for me now. I have seen in my boyfriend’s family a very mutual respect between the kids and the parents. They have a very close relationship with one another and are able to trust each other. The kids still want to be around each other and the parents are able to have quality relationships with each child. The older of the children are more well off with their mental health and decision making skills. I understand that this is only two examples but they are perfect examples to explain this principle in families.